how to fix me, everything seems like a trap

my mom told me that she always dream about us becoming happier, the thought that she had 6 children and nobody of them are happy is killing me, i think about her words a lot i can’t help but cry every time her words coming up on my mind, plus these days i feel like i’m facing a terrible work environment.. i spend almost all of my working hours avoiding people’s in the workplace, all my colleagues have a private life some of them are in a relationship or engaged or married, they are looking at me in a bad way even if they are not saying that it can be felt so easily, and they indeed say so many toxic stuff in front of my face.

i didn’t have any proper chance to have a good relationship, i feel so much responsible for my younger siblings cuz im the only person who can support them financially and emotionally and i want it i love them and i wish they have better opportunities and future than me, but the people in the outside world make me feel so much unsatisfied, i hate the feeling of the incompleteness, now days i feel more depressed, ugly, tired and empty, i think about myself badly and not in a respectful manner, nothing can help me to get better i can escape all of those thoughts with a movie or something but once i get back to real world i have a realization check of all of that.