Today, I drank hand sanitiser out of frustration. I'm sorry for losing control. I'm having urges to eat and drink inedible things, but I'm not suicidal. Should I do something about it?
I'm struggling with a dark family secret and my mother's declining health, which makes me feel guilty and overwhelmed. Recently, I discovered a disturbing truth about my family that's been weighing heavily on my mind. Additionally, my mother's health is declining, and she's scheduled to see a heart specialist. I feel guilty for potentially exacerbating her condition after I shared my plans to take the Forensic Science Entrance exam, which seemed to upset her and trigger heart attack-like symptoms. I've been trying to distract myself from these thoughts, but they're overwhelming me. In the past, I've self-harmed to cope, and now I'm ingesting inedible substances. I need help to address these underlying issues, including the dark family secret, my guilt, and my self-harm.
At the hostel, I installed dark curtains to feel less watched. I'm open to inpatient treatment, but my parents won't allow it, and I've heard rumours about psychiatric wards, especially a government psychiatric hospital. If treatment is possible other hospitals, I have no issues. I want to be safe and receive humane treatment.
Additionally, I need to report that a university doctor was rough and unsympathetic and suggested I take pesticides. These comments made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I’d like to file a complaint.
Thank you for understanding and supporting my commitment to my well-being.
