yo, im Hana. im 27 y.o and i live in the midwest united states.

its been a couple years now that ive been diagnosed with HPV 16&18, aka the worst strains of HPV you can have and the leading cause of cervical cancer.

i have had 2 surgeries to remove precancerous cells and now it looks like im going to have another one because the precancer cells are still on my cervix.

recovery from a LEEP procedure (where they remove part of your cervix that is infected with the precancer) is awful and painful and stressful.

i have no caring women in my life to talk to about this, other than my fiancé’s mother.

the worst part is, the more times i have to have a cervical LEEP surgery, the more it puts me at risk of 2nd trimester miscarriages and painful menstrual periods. that is, if i dont need to get a hysterectomy at some point.

im 20-goddamn-7 and my fiancé has 2 kiddos but i wanted to have one myself. my own baby. and the chance might be taken away from me before i can even think about it.

recovering from the surgeries, as well as trying to keep my head on straight and make sure i’m managing my gastrointestinal issues as well (cuz i have an ulcer and esophagitis..)

its really fresh right now because every time they give me a pelvic exam, i cry. im sick of this, im sick of crying and hurting and trying to put on a brave face.

when i am so so scared of what the end result might be and meanwhile making sure my fiancé is okay cuz hes going through a depressive episode as well.

its a ton going on.

i have an appointment in a couple of hours with my OBGYN (hes wonderful!) about what our next steps are. im so nervous and i just want to stay in bed for the next week..

miscarriage loss

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