i hate facing disrespect form people that are supposed to be aware. but i have one question, why are they like that? is it on purpose?
personally when i sense a bad behavior it's something i immediately try not to reproduce myself, i constantely put myself in others shoes, but i should stop.
one of my friend is always saying "i hate that people take advantage of you this makes me angry for you" these words don't carry much weight anymore when... she end acting the same?
for example i have a hard time to ask money after making commissions for people, and i try more now, also because my friend is the one who forced me to. my friend even end up being mad at me for not asking money.
recently my friend asked for a comm last minute despite it was complicated mentally for me. she asked for my price and i said it, she even said she would give me more.
guess what? it's been weeks i wait for the money, and the excuse she use doesn't make sense, she suddenly use money on stuff she used to tell me she wouldn't use, i saw her balance she still has some to give me, and she always say the "oh i was about to but" (not only for money she often say that). i feel that since she knows i'm chill she can use my patience like that but i think it's even more disgusting when you criticize others that are not my friends for doing this when YOU as the bff you claim to be do the exact same move. for now i admit i don't have the guts to claim my money...
another friend of mine is constantely criticizing the behavior of her sister "she never listen when i speak, everyone has to adapt to her choices she is so selfish she is always criticizng my choices" i always comfort her when i hear that. you can think that as she hates these traits she would never be the same type of people.
well lmao, she is to me, it's like as she is stepped on by someone she has to step on someone else to exist. a lot of people are like that actually the moment they meet someon understanding. because they won't do it to a more assertive personality, so yeah it look like a choice. the thing is you know you can exist with me without having to crush me.
for example i'm always the one to adapt to her whimsy choices as i'm chill i do it also because i like doing what my friends like, but the moment my choice is a matter of surviving i still have to adapt.
i remember a time she said "you know me so well" i know it boost her ego, and at the opposite she would say "i've no idea what to gift you for your birthday" despite talking everyday...
both of them know i've been psychologically abused btw, they know what i've been through, what are my fears, but when i display signs of depression like not replying fast, the only thing that bother is that i'm not here to give attention. when i don't speak much being afraid of not being taken seriously it's like an opportunity for them to assert dominance, i don't know but i'm always here for you no matter what so why not trying to take care of me back instead of using me like the frame you can project on everything you criticize? as if deep down you don't wanna be a safe place but "powerful" like them, creating imbalance where you can win seems more important than having a equal partner or what. they don't like me they like what i bring.
