I cancelled my friend's birthday party because I'm currently going through a mixed episode, and I'm feeling guilty about it. I don't know who to talk to about this, to be honest. Even posting something sentimental on my Snapchat story wouldn't be enough. It has been three days since I last took my lithium, and I'm feeling awful. Yesterday, I experienced hypomania, but I knew it wouldn't last long. I feel completely drained, both physically and mentally. Working 40 hours a week has taken a toll on me. Although I genuinely wanted to celebrate with my friends tonight, I had to prioritize taking care of myself and getting some rest. Why do I feel guilty about doing that?
Despite feeling exhausted, I can't sleep. The smallest noise from my roommate's girlfriend is infuriating me. I finally took my lithium and some Trazodone in the hope that I can get some sleep.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to smile more. Maybe tomorrow I'll have some fun again. Maybe tomorrow I can show my friends that I'm not always so irritable and withdrawn.
I hate feeling this way.
Thank you for letting me vent.
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