today i fell onto the bathroom floor, i'm ok i guess, i have a lil bloody scratch tho it hurts when i touch my knee. but you know what? i'm deeply hurt tho, not cause of the impact of the falling but because of people reactions, PLEASE tell me if i'm crazy:
when i fell i made a big "boom" sound on the floor, i basically screamed too, something we can hear in the whole appartment. my mom is not far away, and??? i'm sure she heard me, she didn't react at all. while she always hear me just whispering when i need privacy so hem.. it feels on purpose.
ok maybe you can think she didn't hear, well i came back in the room, sitting on the sofa, where she was and she saw i was stroking my knee and asked what happened, i said i fell, and at this moment it was like she stopped herself from saying something "oh that's why i-" you what? what? were you about to say you heard something but preferred ignore it?
then she said "oh it remind me when I fell" ?? i could have died if my head fell first but all you had to say is me me me?
to know a bit more about my mom she's an emotionally immature almost abusive parent, many times she let me down when i was struggling on different situations for you to understand.
but it's not over, i hesitated to say it to my friend, i tried. and to understand why i wasn't sure to share this random information you will see why.
when i told her i also said that when i came back on the sofa, my cat put his paw on my knee as if he knew? cutie baby.
she only said "oh he smart"
not asking about if i am ok? is it me or it's weird?
because to explain: i mean i talk to this friend everyday and she often rants about random injuries "oh i have a headache/oh i cut my finger with paper/oh my eye itches" and i always, ALWAYS ask about her state, and the convo can go long to talk about this, so i felt she can understand this kind of random thought, but it seems like she can't even ask me when it's my turn to hurt?
then i saw another friend sending me a msg, she already showed signs of self centeredness too (and btw the msg was saying she can't pay me yet for the creation i made for her, ahah again taking me for granted, she had many opportunities to send me the money but since it's me it's not a "priority" because i'm always so chill right?) so while replying to msg about her life updates, i also told her about what just happened to me now, kinda also as a test just to see because it's like no one have my back. and she sent "are you okay?" (wow miracle finally the first!) BUT when i explained how i've been ignored she just posted an ":/" reaction emoji and went back to make detailled replies only to the msg about her own person...
i'm sorry but is basic decency something too hard to show? is saying oh no i'm sorry for that, i hope you can find a bandaid WHATEVER is it so complicated?
it's like people are used to me being their protector or journal so i have to be there for them but they can't take it seriously when i trip or fail or else? i felt i almost had to beg to be listened...
most of the times i'm not saying what i'm going thru everyday because i feel like bothering so i filter a lot, but even once in a blue it's like i trigger them for a lil falling or what???
what am i doing wrong for people not to care a bit about me?? i feel i'm going crazy, am i making a fuss of nothing or it's really weird??????
